The Art of Courtship
by radiantcerulean
Summary: Gilgamesh is the #1 fan of "Knights of Camelot", an Arthurian TV drama set in modern times. Through a series of coincidences, he meets the show's leading actress, Arturia, and falls for her. With no idea how to woo a woman, Gil turns to his online friends for help. Unfortunately for him, those friends might just be more clueless than he is! AU. Gil x Arturia. Hiatus/rewrite pending
1. The First Date

**Author's Introductory Note:**

I don't usually write these for my stories, but in this case I felt it was necessary. This story is based in the Fate AU which was established in the "Sensha Otoko" short by Haruno Tomoya, published in the Type-Moon 10th Anniversary Phantasm book. You _don't_ need to read that short in order to read this story, though some things may seem rather strange if you haven't (Waver and Enkidu being female, for example). I decided to write a story set in this particular AU because Gil is an adorable dork in it and I'd really like to explore that take on him.

* * *

Gilgamesh closed his eyes as his lips pressed against Saber's. She remained still while he kissed her, but that never bothered him. He was more than happy to shower her with his own affection, without reciprocation. His eyes ran down her body, beneath him on his unkempt bed. Gods, she was beautiful. He stroked her soft cheek ever so gently and whispered her name.

"Saber."

"Gil? What the fuck are you doing?"

The blonde man shot up from his bed as if struck by lightning, a deep blush spreading across his cheeks. He scrambled to cover the pillow - emblazoned with Saber's picture - with his duvet, but it was too late. Enkidu had already seen everything.

His best friend roared with laughter, doubling over with her hand pressed to her mouth. "Hmph." Gilgamesh crossed his arms and turned his head away, still holding it high like the proud man he was. "It is common courtesy to make one's presence known before one enters the domain of a king."

Enkidu looked at him for a moment, before contorting her features in mock horror. "Your majesty!" she proclaimed. "Please bestow your forgiveness upon this humble peasant." She bowed deeply, her hair falling over her face to cover the grin Gilgamesh knew she wore.

He pondered for a moment before his lips formed a grin of their own. "Rise, mongrel. You may win my forgiveness in a duel, but be warned! I shall not go easy on you." He crossed the room to his game consoles, flicked one switch, and tossed Enkidu a controller.

"What is to be the arena, my King?" she asked him, as she plopped down next to him in front of the TV. "The grandest of all ancient stages, of course," came his response, a sinister gleam in his eyes. "Mortal Kombat."

"Oho," Enkidu showed him a smirk. "You must be a foolish King to challenge to me to such a duel. I fear your reign shall not last much longer."

"Mongrels should not speak unless commanded to." was his retort.

Enkidu won, as always.

"Best three of five?" Gil asked weakly.

* * *

"One black coffee and one earl grey tea, to go please."

Diarmuid fumbled in his pockets for change to pay for the drinks. He was running late for his meeting with Arturia at the dojo already, and hoped that bringing a cup of her favourite tea blend would earn her forgiveness. He shifted uncomfortably, noticing the look the barista gave him as she placed the steaming cups on the counter.

"Thanks" he murmered, placing the exact price of the drinks in her hands, and promptly exited the shop. He sighed. He couldn't understand why so many women seemed to express an interest in him. It was troublesome to him, particularly when they got as bad as his classmate, Gráinne, whose infatuation with him was so intense it sometimes scared him.

Arturia was a breath of fresh air from that treatment. His small but fierce best friend was not only completely uninterested in Diarmuid romantically, but also served to ward off other women who assumed the good looking pair to be a couple. He had kissed her once, when they were fifteen, just to make sure she wasn't hiding any feelings out of deference to their friendship. "Diar," she'd said with a frown, gently pushing him away. "I'm sorry, but my feelings for you are only platonic." He remembered smiling before offering an explanation for his actions, and an apology. He smiled again at the memory, thinking he'd been foolish not to trust her.

"You're awfully happy for someone who is late, Diarmuid."

The blonde girl was, thankfully smiling, which made Diarmuid's own lips spread into a wider grin.

"My apologies, Arturia. My mother insisted I wait for her to pack us a lunch," he explained, noticing how her eyes lit up at the mention of the food. She always loved Sola-Ui's cooking.

He offered the tea to her. "Earl grey. For making you wait."

The scent wafted up to her nose and she took a sip before sighing, content. "Thank you, Diarmuid. And my thanks to Sola-Ui as well. I do enjoy when her spoiling of you also benefits me."

"Hm. I only wish she'd pay Waver as much attention as she pays me. My sister appears to have attracted a rather odd admirer."

"Oh?" the girl asked, and gestured to a nearby bench. "Shall we sit?"

Diarmuid nodded, and joined the petite girl in sitting. She listened to him explain how his younger sister had been at the library doing homework, when a creepy guy came up and started to harass her. Another man stepped in to protect her, with whom Waver had exchanged email addresses, and on whom the girl soon developed a crush. It seemed the man, Iskandar, felt the same way, and the two began to talk frequently.

"So just the other day, he sent her a gift," Diarmuid continued. "And you'll never guess what." His companion raised an eyebrow. "A figure from 'Knights of Camelot', of Saber, actually."

Arturia laughed. "I thought Waver wasn't even a fan of those shows."

"She's not," he affirmed. "But here's the thing. She _loved_ it. I accidentally knocked the thing off the table and she made a dive to catch it. Even though she scratched her arms and her knees, she didn't care, because the figure wasn't damaged."

"Hm. It seems she must truly like this Iskandar."

"So it seems," he agreed. "I'm just not so sure she's making the right choice."

Arturia smiled gently at him, and took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently. "Diar, you can't be the overprotective big brother forever you know. Waver is a smart girl, you'll just have to trust her judgement."

Diarmuid scowled, making the blonde chuckle.

"Come on Diar, it can't be that hard."

"How'd you get so wise?" He asked her.

"I'm older than I look, remember? Sword from the stone, immortality, rightful King of Britain - any of that ring a bell?"

It was Diarmuid's turn to chuckle this time. "All those fans are going to your head, Arturia. You may play the King of Knights on screen, but I can still beat you in a sword fight any day."

The girl stood and struck a pose, looking every bit the movie heroine.

"A duel it is then!"

She stuck her tongue out at him, turned on her heel, and walked into the dojo ahead of him.

* * *

Waver was supposed to be working on her homework, but she was finding it too hard to concentrate properly. She kept glancing at her phone, impatiently checking for any new messages. When she finally heard the chime that signalled one arrived, she grabbed at the device eagerly. Her shoulders drooped in disappointment when she saw the sender's name.

" _Have fun tonight sis. Call me if you need me to come and walk you home or anything. I'm sorry for getting so angry before. I trust your judgement and I love you. Arturia wishes you luck. Diarmuid."_

It wasn't what she'd been anticipating, but the message itself was unexpected, and filled her with warmth. Diarmuid's previous harsh words had upset her, and she was glad to know that he supported her, even if he wasn't thoroughly pleased with where her romantic interests lay.

She tried to return to her homework, but after zoning out thinking about the night ahead of her, decided it was pointless to continue. She would finish it tomorrow. For now, she thought, preparing for the evening ahead of her should be enough to assuage her restlessness.

Waver was busy poring through her collection of clothes, looking for the perfect outfit, when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Sola-Ui entered the room.

"Waver, honey, do you need any help getting ready for your date tonight?" seeing the surprised look on her daughter's face, she explained with a wink; "Diarmuid told me".

Waver felt her cheeks darken. The subject of dating was one she felt far too embarrassed to discuss with her parents. Sola-Ui, seemingly oblivious to her daughter's bashfulness, approached her and examined the clothes spread out before them.

"This," she decided, picking out a skirt. "Would go great with this top."

Handing them to her daughter with a kind smile, she urged the girl to try them on.

"When you're ready we can talk hair and make up, and you can tell me all about him, huh?"

Waver nodded happily, enthused to have the attention of her mother, who was usually busy doting on Diarmuid.

As she changed into the outfit her mother suggested, the phone let out another chime. It was from Iskandar this time.

" _I'm very much looking forward to seeing you tonight, Waver._ _Thank you for agreeing to accompany me. Iskandar._ "

Her heart fluttered in her chest as she thought of him.

* * *

Diarmuid looked at his watch impatiently. It was 10pm, and Waver was not yet home. Though he agreed to trust his younger sister, he could not help but be worried. She was not the type to stay out late.

He paced around his room, waiting for the tell tale click of the front door opening that would signal his sister's return. With a groan, he pulled out his phone and typed out a quick message to Arturia.

" _She's not back yet. She said she'd be back by 9:30._ "

Arturia's response was quick. She must have been expecting him to react like this. Diarmuid cursed his own predictability.

" _Diar,_ relax, _she's on a date. If it's going on this long, it must mean she's having a good time. You're being the cool older brother today, remember? You can call in half an hour if she isn't back by then, okay?_ "

He clicked his tongue, pouting. His blonde friend knew him far too well.

" _Fine._ "

But he'd be damned if he was just going to wait in his room for her to come back. He shrugged on a coat and a pair of shoes, and left the house. Thankfully, he did not have to wait long before his sister appeared from around the corner.

The man, Iskandar, surprised Diarmuid. He was a large man, broad-shouldered and with a stocky build. He looked positively massive next to Diarmuid's petite little sister. They looked like an awfully mismatched pair, if you asked him.

"Brother," Waver said as they approached. "What are you doing outside?"

"Waiting for my tardy little sister," he answered, a finger tapping against his watch.

"Ah," Waver flushed red and hung her head. "I'm sorry brother. I forgot to bring my phone with me, and I wanted the night to last as long as possible..."

Diarmuid noticed the red haired man smile bashfully at that comment. He sighed.

"All right, you're safe and you're home now, so that's all that matters. Come on, let's go inside."

Waver nodded, then turned to her companion.

"Thank you for tonight Iskandar. I had a really wonderful time." she smiled shyly at him.

"As did I, Miss Waver. Thank you for allowing me the pleasure. I shall bid you good night."

His attention shifted to Diarmuid.

"I apologise for worrying you. Waver is lucky to have a brother who cares for her as you do."

He extended a hand to Diarmuid, who considered for a moment, then shook it with a slight nod.

As Iskandar turned to leave, giving her one last small smile, Waver reached out to him.

"Ah... Iskandar?" she could not meet his eyes as she mumbled, "Perhaps... We could do it again?"

The man blinked, before a large grin settled on his face and his voice boomed with laughter.

"Of course, Waver. I would love to spend more time with you."

The girl's eyes lit up and she gave him the most dazzling smile he'd ever laid eyes on. He stepped closer to her.

"Goodnight, Miss Waver."

After pressing the chaste kiss to her cheek, he also bade Diarmuid a good night, and began to walk away.

"Goodnight, Iskandar."

Diarmuid put his arm around his sibling, herded her into the house and retreated to his bedroom.

" _Crisis averted._ "

" _Diarmuid. You did something, didn't you? What did you do?_ "

He put his phone down and settled himself into bed. He would talk with Arturia later.

His phone buzzed again.

" _Diarmuid!_ "

* * *

Iskandar sat at his computer, furiously typing away in the group chat. His friends were all eager to hear how his date went, and he felt proud to be able to report back positively, though he admitted to being nervous going forward and afraid he would still mess things up somehow.

" _See!_ " Gilgamesh wrote. " _Wha_ _t did I tell you? There is no heart **that** Saber figure can't win over._"

" _Don't listen to him,_ " the message continued - clearly Enkidu was present and had taken over typing. " _You were able to win her over all by yourself._ "

" _Pfft._ Obviously _the Saber figure helped. Who wouldn't be swayed by such a wonderful gift? But good work nonetheless Iskandar!_ " read Medea's contribution.

The burly man puffed with pride at the approval of his friends. They had been nothing but supportive after he expressed how nervous he was about the date.

Medea had written him a list of do's and don'ts, which Iskandar took with a grain of salt, remembering her only experience in a relationship was with her high school teacher, which had ended in heartbreak. He did appreciate the thought, though.

Gilgamesh provided a collection of "King of Heroes certified" pick-up lines, and became embarrassed when Enkidu pointed out every attempt of his own to use those pick up lines had failed miserably. " _He's the last guy you wanna take_ dating advice _from._ "

Iskandar's mind had drifted back to the date with Waver as he scrolled through the messages, paying hardly any attention, when one suddenly snapped him out of his reminiscence.

" _Fear not Iskandar. I, the King of Heroes, Gilgamesh, shall grace you with my presence and teach you how to win the woman's heart for good._ "


	2. Gil-Sensei's Guide to Romance

True to his word, Gilgamesh showed up at Iskandar's home the next morning. He was met at the main gate by one of the many members of staff that attended to Iskandar's family and chauffeured to the mansion's front door, where another member of staff guided him inside to the foyer.

 _Yes_ , Gilgamesh thought to himself as he surveyed the room, _this is how the King of Heroes should be treated_. Kirei Kotomine's face appeared in his mind, making him scowl. The priest-turned-Gilgamesh's-caretaker had no patience for the younger man's demands, and brushed them off any time Gilgamesh tried to insist things be done his way. He did not enjoy being dismissed, but Kotomine had other merits, and so Gilgamesh did not complain nearly as much as he would have otherwise.

"My friend!" Iskandar's booming voice echoed through the room as he descended the staircase to meet Gilgamesh and embraced him. Gilgamesh squirmed awkwardly in those strong arms, unaccustomed to physical displays of affection from anyone other than Enkidu. Iskandar released him, beaming. "It is good to see you!"

Gilgamesh quickly regained his cool composure, shooting his host his trademark cocky grin. "I could hardly leave you to fend for yourself in such matters. Never let it be said I care not for my subjects." Gilgamesh's friends knew his behaviour well enough not to take him seriously when he said such things. Whether or not Gilgamesh himself took the things he said seriously, they decided, was another matter entirely - one they left to his closest companion to worry about.

Iskandar guided him through the mansion to a spacious kitchen, where they perched themselves on barstools next to a marble island. While Iskandar poured himself orange juice from a pitcher sat before them, Gilgamesh observed he had his glasses and materials for note-taking at the ready. The blonde pulled his backpack onto his lap, while his companion watched him curiously, downing his glass of juice. After fishing about inside the bag for a moment, Gilgamesh's eyes lit up.

"Prepare yourself, my protégé!"

He withdrew from the bag a blu-ray case, followed by a bottle of red wine. Iskandar raised an eyebrow at him. For one, it wasn't even noon and Gilgamesh was already intending to drink. For two...

" _Knights of Camelot?_ My friend, while I would be more than happy to watch this together with you, I was under the impression you visited me today with another goal in mind."

Gilgamesh made a show of rolling his eyes before he hopped off his stool and made his way to the kitchen cabinets, his back to Iskandar as he searched through them. "And just how did you expect you were going to learn the art of romance? We are going to watch every episode of _Knights_ , and you will study the art of courtship from them." He sounded bored, and as an afterthought added, "Where do you keep your wine glasses, anyway?"

* * *

It was late morning when Sola called her children for breakfast, but Waver still found it difficult to drag herself out of bed. She had stayed up late the night before, reminiscing about her evening with Iskandar, and wondering how to quell the excitement she felt in her stomach. He had agreed to a second date. He wanted to see her again. Waver felt like she couldn't possibly be any happier.

Diarmuid and their parents were already seated and tucking in by the time Waver made it to the table. Her brother smiled at her between bites of bacon, while their mother popped up from her seat to serve Waver's plate. Kayneth was reading the Sunday newspaper, bearing the same frown on his face that he always had when reading about current affairs.

"So, honey," Sola gave Waver a knowing smile as she settled back into her seat. "How was your date?" Kayneth spluttered at her words.

"Date?!"

The newspaper dropped, and the professor looked between his wife and daughter. Waver, still not very comfortable having her parents know about her love life, and less comfortable again having them discuss it so openly, felt her cheeks flush. Kayneth frowned at his wife. His voice took on an authoritative tone, like the one he used during his university lectures.

"Waver is too young for such things."

"Don't be silly Kay," Sola tutted dismissively. "Seventeen is plenty old enough. I'd already been in a serious relationship at that age."

Her comment only served to frustrate Kayneth more.

"She should be focusing on her studies."

"She _does_ focus on her studies, she excels at every subject!"

"Well, that's not the point!"

"Of course that's the point, it's the entire premise of your objection!"

"I'm just concerned, that's all."

"Concerned? You just admitted you pay no attention to your daughter's performance in school, yet you're _concerned_?"

Waver snuck a glance at Diarmuid, who gave her a knowing nod, just a slight inclination of his head. The two slipped away from the table, Waver's breakfast untouched, leaving their parents to bicker alone. It was happening at an alarmingly frequent rate these days.

Diarmuid placed a hand on his sister's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"It's not about you," he assured her. "You know that right?"

Waver gave a small nod, and her brother sighed.

"Honestly, how unfair of them, dragging you into their arguments like that."

His eyes betrayed his concern, the voices from the kitchen growing louder, and Waver leaned against his chest to hug him close. She hated the pain it caused to him when their parents fought. He blamed himself, she knew, yet he always made Waver's feelings his priority. Her eyes stung with tears as she felt her heart swell with love and appreciation for her wonderful, selfless older brother, who loved her more than anyone.

"Thank you, Diarmuid."

* * *

"Surely lines such as these do not work in real life."

"You'd be surprised."

"Oh? You've had success with them, then?"

Gilgamesh laughed. "As if _I_ would need to use any lines to get a woman." He was grateful at that moment that Enkidu had declined the invitation to join them. He could practically see that sly smile of hers that always meant trouble, could hear her voice in his head reminding him of just how seldom he interacted with women that were not her. "Pay close attention here." he instructed, dismissing the Enkidu figment.

The men sat in silence as the _Knights_ scene played out before them. King Arthur - or, as the fan base called her, Saber - sat in her chambers, sharing a drink with her loyal knight, Lancelot. Both men knew this scene well, but watched intently all the same as Arthur hesitantly broached the subject of her engagement.

" _I am to wed, Sir Lancelot."_

 _"Yes, my King. Your love life has been the subject of national gossip for quite some time now, though I am sure the Kingdom can wait."_

 _"No, Lancelot. I am to wed. It is arranged. In a month's time, with the Lady Guinevere."_

On screen, the king's knight lay down his drink slowly, a sad smile on his face.

 _"You jest, my King. It does not become you, when it comes to these matters."_

The king frowned, and reached across to place a hand on her knight's forearm.

 _"It is not my wish, Lancelot. But I must do this for my Kingdom."_

There was a pause, as Lancelot ducked his head and took in the king's words. She moved to withdraw her arm, but Lancelot grabbed onto it and she startled.

" _Lancelot-!"_

Then he was against her, their lips locked together, his arms wrapping around and lifting her into his strong embrace. Her legs circled the knight as he carried her to her bed, and when he deposited her on the downy covers she gave him a pleading look.

 _"Lancelot, please, I am engaged."_

It seemed the supplication was as much for herself as it was for Lancelot, but it still made the man pause, his face conflicted.

 _"Arthur, you are my king. If it is your command that I cease this, I will not disobey. But I would have you know this news does not change my feelings towards you. You could marry a thousand times, but I will never stop loving you."_

As the two _Knights_ characters embraced, Iskandar took the remote in his hand and pressed pause.

"Gilgamesh," he asked, incredulous. "Are you crying?"

"Shut up." came the blonde's retort. He was dabbing at his wet eyes with a tissue.

"This is my ship, okay?"

* * *

When Diarmuid wanted to take his mind off things, he liked to run.

No matter what it was that weighed his mind down, he could always lose himself in the rush of blood through his veins; the thud of his feet against the ground; the sway of his limbs as he tore through the air. In those moments, the run was all that existed. And in those times when Kayneth and Sola fought, that was just what he needed.

He ran the trail almost mechanically - his pace never slowing, his eyes always fixed on the horizon. At times, he almost wished he was a machine. A machine would not tear a family apart. A machine would not disrupt Sola's happiness. A machine would not make Waver suffer.

Dusk was approaching when he neared the end of the trail. He could feel the air chill the damp layer of sweat that clung to his skin. He allowed himself to slow, to take in the view of the twilight sky. With his head bent backwards, the sky the only thing in sight, the city around him melted away and he could imagine himself back in the Irish countryside.

He missed it dearly. Back home, his runs would take him through lush green fields that smelled of rain, and by the time he was finished his ankles would be wet with dew. He inhaled, but the scent that reached his nostrils was industrialised, and Diarmuid let out a bitter sigh. He longed for Ireland, where things had been easier.

"Something the matter?"

It was a gentle, feminine voice that broke him out of his thoughts.

"Gráinne."

He blinked, surprised to see his classmate before him, a soft smile on her face and an even softer looking terrier at her feet.

"This is Dee." she told him, seeing his eyes come to rest on her companion. "Would you like to say hello?"

He hesitated. He was never sure how to act around Gráinne, who was unashamedly open about her feelings towards him. But she looked at him with a kindness he so desperately craved in that moment, and so he threw caution to the wind.

"Sure."

Gráinne knelt next to him when he dropped to his knees to run his hand through Dee's soft fur. The dog leaned affectionately into his touch, and Diarmuid could not hold back a smile.

"She's named for Deirdre." Gráinne's voice was low, almost as if she was afraid being too loud would scare him away. "You know, Deirdre of the Sorrows."

"An odd namesake for a pet." Diarmuid remarked. Her cheeks dusted a pale pink colour and she chuckled.

"I suppose so." she acknowledged. "But I've always loved that story. Forbidden love stories are so romantic, don't you think?"

Diarmuid didn't agree, but he didn't think it prudent to say so, so he just nodded, and was rewarded with Gráinne's brilliant smile.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I made some slight changes to chapter 1, after re-reading and realising I wasn't totally happy with it. Nothing major from a plot point of view, just some minor dialogue and descriptive changes in the Waver/Sola and Iskandar/Waver/Diarmuid scenes. The former flows a bit better now, and Iskandar interacts more with Diarmuid in the latter. You're not really missing out on anything if you read the old version of the chapter.

I wrote a scene for this chapter about Enkidu and her hidden feelings for Gil, but I ended up leaving it out. Sensha Otoko implies fairly heavily that Enkidu is interested in Gil romantically, but I'm not sure I want to go down that route with them. I don't like the idea of introducing one-sided feelings to their dynamic.

 _Knights_ is a cheesy drama series, so you gotta have some love triangles, right? It's fun to write that kind of cheesy drama like this. Gil is shipper trash, just like the rest of us. Maybe it's the wine so early in the morning.


End file.
